four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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