We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
