please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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