Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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