Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
