Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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