Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
