so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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