Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
