life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
