She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
