first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
