The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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