Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
