My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
