he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
