It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
