I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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