Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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