Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
