I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
