how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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