I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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