well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
