Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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