Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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