I'm jealous of your bromance
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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