Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would fuck him just for his dog
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
