My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
