I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
