saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
