I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
