Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
