You really coming over, don't trick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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