my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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