so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
