Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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