I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
