I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
