mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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