Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
