update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
