This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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