just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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