she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
