It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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