i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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