I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
