I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
