i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
