dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
