btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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