a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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