for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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