i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
