first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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