How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
