My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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