Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
