It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
