Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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