so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
