you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
