captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
