She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
