he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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