then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
