if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I would fuck him just for his dog
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
