You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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