sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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