I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
